In defense of idleness
Contents:
1. In defense of idleness (on regenerative rest, taking care of ourselves, feeding ourselves when needed: learning to listen to our own bodies)
2. Herbs for rest and regeneration
3. How to tell if its stagnation or exhastion
4. Idle things you can do (or not do)
5. Recipes (nourishing broth. Nourishing rice porridge. Nourishing tea)
6. I was on Amber's podcast and it was so fun
1. In defense of idleness (on regenerative rest, taking care of ourselves, feeding ourselves when needed: learning to listen to our own bodies)
I remember, years ago when I was still in Chinese medical school, I mentioned to a classmate that I couldn't wait to go home and take a bath.
"BATH?!" she said, horrified.
"Uh, yeah, bath. You know, small pool of hot-as-hell water? Candles? Salts or herbs? Amazing book?"
She scoffed: "I haven't had time to take a bath in years, I'm way too busy."
She was proud.
I was horrified.
But the more I looked around, the more I saw people bragging about how little time they had for themselves-- as if martyring themselves to the shrine of productivity made them somehow worthwhile.
I have, since then, met people who wanted to sleep less, or fit in more work in any way possible. In trying to learn to do this myself, I have listened to a thousand podcasts on how to be more productive, and have read about too many productivity 'hacks' to count. And after years of attempting to fit into the mold of being super productive, after a while it started to sound ridiculous: how to combine your exercise with your work desk so that you don't even need to go to the gym! How to subsist for years on a liquid shake diet so that you don't even need to take time off work to eat! What's next? Work desk diapers? Desk chair toilets? Machines that make our brains think they're sleeping but in reality we can keep working all night?
More and more, as I listened and tried to work harder, the same thoughts kept popping into my head:
Where's the joy?
Where's the pleasure?
Where's the negative space?
I remember, growing up in Scotland, we learned about crop rotation, and how important the fallow time was for the fields-- in a year of not being planted, the soil regenerated, to make it ready to grow vegetables again. Now, instead of letting fields grow fallow, we pump them full of chemical fertilizers and nutrients so that they're ready to go again. We try and force more out of the earth in the exact same way as we try and force more out of ourselves.
I started thinking about *meaning*. What is the meaning of all of this? Are we here solely to work? To produce? Is it our work and what we produce that makes us worthy of love? Is work really what makes us truly alive? In however many years left that I have on this incredible planet, do I want to look back, on my death bed, and say 'yes, I finished my to-do list every night: that was a life well-lived'? And if its not, then why exactly are we all giving so so much to this model that takes more from us than we have to give?
Doing nothing does not mean you're a failure.
You don't have to justify your actions or lack thereof to anyone else. When other people judge you, they are being faced with their own perception of themselves-- they believe that they are not enough and that being still or stopping pushing would make them worthless or failures. Most of us believe that we only have value if we are working hard. If we are producing enough, and borderling (or overtly) punishing ourselves in order to do as much as possible
Look what a good worker bee I am! Look how hard I work! Look how my fingers bleed and my feet ache! Look how little time I have for myself, am I GOOD yet?
Un-doing this is difficult, in the face of a reality that believes so strongly in the concept of laziness.
but self worth and motivation *can* come from within, from the sheer exultation of existence. Life can be pleasurable. Joyful. Full of meaning and connection. I always look to the plants for ideas when it comes to this stuff, and I've never seen a dandelion look like it wished it were a rose, or a pine tree with it were burdock. A plant shines from within with the joy of being itself.
We can do that too.
We just need to learn to listen to our own bodies and accept what we find within ourselves.
Learn to listen to your body, not your to-do list.
During my 'productivity hack' phase, I used to get fevers a lot. I was working 12-14 hour days (small business owner!) and I was just SO busy all the time. Sometimes, at the end of the workday, I'd clean my house and break down crying holding the vacuum in the middle of the living room. Soemtimes a friend wold ask something simple of me and it'd be the 'too much' threshold breaker and I'd end up in bed for a week, sick but not sick, fevered but not fevered. Months later, during the Pantarei training I did in Berlin, it came up in a session, and my friend asked 'what is it you want during this time' and I said, so clearly 'I want to lie in bed and read books and not be bothered'. And she said 'can you not make time to do that anyway so that your body doesn't have to break for you to get it?' and I thought, well, actually, I can.
So now, when I feel myself starting to get overwhelmed, I say what I want to say: I am taking the day off tomorrow and lying in bed and reading. I am letting the house get messy because I don't want to clean it because I need a day of nothing. Sometimes I read, sometimes I mend clothes, sometimes I nap, and sometimes I write (I'm doing that right now :P). And you know what? After a day (or sometimes two) of this, I feel amazing. Know what else? I never got another weird fever again.
Your own body gives you messages all the time. Instead of pushing through, or trying to get your body to conform to what your mind wants, sit down quietly and ask your body what it is asking for. Sometimes its something simple, like more water, or nourishing food, or greens, or a specific herb. Sometimes its rest. Sometimes its quiet. Sometimes its not to pick your grandma up at the airport (sorry, you have to do this, but you could probably negotiate with your body for some good rest time AFTER the airport run).
The joy of ideleness:
In the idle state, our brains replenish themselves, our bodies relax enough to start sending energy to where it is needed, for organ repair, nourishment, storing energy. In this state, we can let the things we are working on process in the background. Programs still run when they're not at front and center. Creative projects do better for rest, as do any other projects. Even time off from working out or training for something gives your body time to integrate what you're feeding it. If we are DOING all the time, then we don't have time for processing, integration, connection.
What most people do is work past the point of exhaustion to show other people how much we are doing, so that we can have an excuse to rest.
And I have a wild suggestion.
How about we all agree to be rebellious, and say what we want without needing an excuse. What if we just want to rest, without needing to be sick or exhausted from it? What if we need to step back from a project because it feels right, not because we have a headache? What if we want a day off from training, not because we're injured, but because we want to? What if we want to spend a day reading* and don't need to get sick in order to get that?
Would the world fall apart?
Would we be worth less?
Would we be less lovable?
*responsibilities aside, sorry parents of small children, this is probably painful to read, but one day you'll have your own time again I promise!
Things other than productivity and efficiency that are also really nice reasons for doing something:
When we take productivity/ efficiency out of the equation as the be-all-end-all reason to do things, other reasons emerge:
Beauty
Pleasure
Fun
Exploration
Experimentation
Contrariness
Why take the most direct and efficient route to get somewhere? Why not take the pretty route? The route that drives past something you like seeing. The route that you've never taken before just for the hell of it. The route that you don't look at the map to figure out just for fun. The route that you let your intuition guide you on. How would it change your approach to life if you didn't have to do everything in the shortest time possible? If your to-do-list remained unfinished at the end of the day and that was totally fine because you actually felt alive, and present in your life and your body...
2. Herbs that encourage rest and replenishment
Kava Kava // Piper methysticum
A few months ago, jim mcdonald and I were chatting about kava and how uniquely itself it is. All plants are uniquely themselves, of course, but some actions can be approximated with combinations of other herbs. Kava, however, is in its own place entirely. It’s one of those otherworldly, mind-altering relaxants that does something so magical to your body, brain and energy that there’s nothing else in the world like it.
In his article, jim says "What is so distinct about kava kava is that it's so promptly and significantly relaxant; mental stress subsides as a result of relaxation, not sedation. In fact, while the body lets go, mental acuity remains...you can definitely take kava and still be cognitively functional.“.
And I agree, though for me, it’s a form of relaxed that makes me want to MOVE, dance, create, explore. I think, what kava does is unwind whatever tension there is that’s holding us back from our creativity, our sensuality, our exuberant enjoyment of life. So many of us would be much more creative and carefree if not for the giant stress loads we carry around. Kava doesn’t take the things away (it doesn’t put you in a bubble like, say, cannabis does) but it does relieve your tension so that you can shine through regardless of the stress load.
This 'easing' of tension applies to other areas too. Anxiety for example. Anxiety, the way I see it, is fear energy getting stuck somewhere (and often for long periods of time). What I mean by that is, fear is a reaction to a stimulus that's supposed to get us moving. We release adrenaline, we get ready to run, or fight. For many of us, life is so stressful that we're constantly in a place where we experience fear and yet we're stuck in place and have nothing to fight against except ourselves. That energy that gets released to get us moving gets trapped in the body, often in the chest, and that's when we start to feel anxious. If we do this over long periods of time (or say we have a trauma or series of traumas in life that cause us to continuously experience lots of fear and we don't know how to, or don't have the option to express it), then it builds and builds until the tiniest trigger can cause a cascade of fear-reactions which in most peoples' language get translated to anxiety, panic attacks, etc.
Kava can really help with this. By relaxing the tension that's holding all that old fear in place, you can start to move the fear out. It'll stop anxiety in the moment, of course (I'll never forget my first class EVER, where I was so scared, I took way too much kava, and the first, incredibly high words out my mouth in public were 'ah f**k I took too much kava'), but over the long-term, using it to help relax and release old fear can be really magic.
Another area that kava works really nicely is as an aphrodisiac. It's not the kind of thing that you can hand to anyone and they're all of a sudden magically turned on. It's not going to make up for not being attracted to someone, or having no chemistry. But, where kava absolutely excels with regards to sex is with people who are too stressed for sex. If going on vacation puts you in the mood to get it on with your partner. If half a drink at the end of the work day all of a sudden turns your mind off spreadsheets and onto bedsheets (I just came up with that one and am pretty proud, btw). If your partner giving you a glass of wine and a massage, or a foot massage (!!!!!) is the biggest turn on ever, try kava kava. A neck and back massage with kava infused oil will pretty much lead to the best sex ever. Or a hot kava bath, followed by a kava massage. Or kava infused coconut oil as lube. Or, well, there are lots of possibilities here, and I recommend trying them all. Also, you're welcome :).
Read more: jim's article
(fresh withania root from last autumn)
Withania Somnifera // ashwagandha
Asbwagandha is a magic herb that helps to restore strength and vitality to a totally burned out body. I think on some level, it teaches us about nourishment and taking in energy and nutrients from the world around us. There's a way to move through life, to get things done, to move forwards, that doesn't draw on our vital reserves. Ashwagandha can teach us about that if we listen, showing us how to rest, to replenish, and how to expend energy that is renewable and sustainable.
One of the ways it does this is by first, helping us build our reserves back up. Ashwagandha helps us sleep more deeply. It's a really incredible feeling for those of us who tend to feel agitated and wake up at the slightest thing (air change, movement, light, sound, random thought) to sleep deeply through the night. And the profound feeling of being rested as a result, after a while of sleeping deeply, is enough to make you want to make offerings to the withania spirits forever.
Increasing vitality over time, while reducing anxiety, jitters, shakiness and the brain fogs and inability to think clearly that come along with these things, ashwagandha is really incredibly beneficial for anyone who's burned out. It has a balancing effect on the immune system, increases metabolism, helps balance thyroid imbalance, helps increase libido (if decreased libido is due to exhaustion), and overall increases general well-being.
I love taking withania as a tincture (fresh tincture is my favourite), but it's also really nice in teas and decoctions (recipes below), and my most recent favourite is applied externally, in a bath or body oil. The benefit of the external applications is that they also help with some underlying changes-- that is, they help your body find that place that the ashwagandha can teach us about receiving nourishment and nurturing.
The only caution I'd provide is that it can sometimes help people feel so good so quickly that they don't change the underlying patterns that had them burning out in the first place. So, take withania, but also change your life. The former will help you get through the latter, but the latter is what will sustain you for the years to come.
Read more: Kiva's article
Oat seed // Avena spp.
Gentle and powerful, like water in a way. Both are soothing and comforting, relaxing and calming, and yet, still humming with power. Milky oat energy is deep, lasting, sustained and long-term: its force is that of a wave lapping against a rock face, diligently, patiently, with a long-term perspective. With the quick-lived oat plant, its medicine is in its seed; in its DNA, where it knows its short life will not have enough energy to affect much but that continuation of seed energy will, over time and life cycles, affect an entire ecosystem. Intelligence, and patience. The seed energy is that of patience, persistance, remaining.Oat seed is used traditionally as a nerve ‘tonic’ to restore frayed, frazzled, burned out nervous systems. It’s one of my favourite plants, and one I take every day (with ashwagandha and wild rose), and I notice MASSIVE changes in my energy levels and stress tolerance from taking it. But its more than that, on a deep level I think that the energy of intelligence and patience affects us, unravels inside us, and teaches us something about our perception of time. From that of a thing with a quick life-cycle, we learn how to affect something much bigger than ourselves. With oat seed, we can move through life in a place that's more relaxed and more receptive to the world around us.
Read more: Kiva's article
Scutellaria spp // skullcap
I have a funny story about skullcap. I was gathering it, up in the mountains, miles from my car, when all of a sudden I heard a loud rattling noise. It sounded like it was coming from right beneath me. And, like any person out in the wild hearing rattling, I freaked out. You're supposed to stay still, supposedly, and find where the noise is coming from. I'm way too skittish for that. I jumped about 6 feet and ran. And would you believe it the rattling noise was following me as fast as I was running. And after about 6 seconds (which felt like FOREVER) music started. The rattling was the beginning of a song; my phone, in my pocket, had started playing music.
You guys, I was so freaked, I was shaking afterwards. All these images of people being blissful, gathering happily in nature? Not me. Every sound scared me. My hands were shaking. I'd basically had a full adrenaline dump and then had to deal with it. Had I known what I know now, I'd have gone for a run, but I didn't, so I reached into my bag, and picked out a skullcap leaf, and started nibbling on it. Within a minute, my perception had gone from that narrow-focused 'everything is trying to kill me' place to... nice. More relaxed, more open, more expansive. More connected. Skullcap is a calming, sedating, but most importantly, it's what's known as a trophorestorative. That means, basically, that it rebuilds something (in this case, the nerves) from within, both relaxing interfering tension and allowing the nervous system to learn to regulate its responses to situations. When we're super stressed and it's a long-term constant grind on our nervous systems, skullcap is an absolutely brilliant ally, not only to get us through, but to help rebuild, and sustain.
Asparagus racemosa // Shatavari root
Juicy. This is the word that comes to mind when thinking about shatavari. Some people might have issues with the word juicy (I'm personally more grossed out by the word 'moist'), so I apologise for using it so many times in one short sentence but it perfectly describes shatavari's action in the body. A classic and quintessential 'yin' tonic, shatavari gets the body in touch with the deep, moist (gak!) forest aspects of our own bodies. For those of us who tend to be fiery and driven, who prefer to 'do' than to 'be', who need to be moving forwards constantly, and who are (and this is key) a bit exhausted by this, try shatavari. Most people who have this 'fire' pattern constitutionally are utterly fine like that, but there are many of us for whom that fire is just a layer and what's underneath that layer is a slow loris dying to be given attention, and the space to soak in the world around it. It's called a 'female' herb, something that grates on my nerves almost in the way a pink bic does, because really, are we not past this idea of gender binaries yet? But, there is a set of principles in the universe that tend to be more moist (GAK!), receptive, slow, passive, reflective. In Chinese medicine the word 'yin' is used but here in the west we don't have a word for it and call it 'feminine'. We all contain it, we all have access to it, and we all use it, it's just that in society it's not really seen as a good thing to be any of these things, so we train ourselves to hide it and find our energy elsewhere. If you're the type of person for whom this 'feminine' energy is your primary fuel source, getting in touch with it and learning to operate from that place is going to be of immense importance to you, lest you burn out horribly and start to hate life. Shatavari does that. Slow, moistening, nutritive, nurturing. It increases milk supply (if you are in need of milk), it increases energy flow to the depths of the body, and in doing so helps digestive processes, and reproductive processes, and all of the stuff that our body doesn't have time to focus on when we shunt all our energy to our nervous systems to 'get more stuff done'. One of the side effects of this balancing is that people feel calmer, more grounded, balanced, happier, and more loving.
It makes the body more juicy, as a whole, and if you're the type of person in need of that juiciness, in need of that 'yin' or 'feminine' then it's utterly magic.
Read more: Asia Suler's article
3. (Aside: how to tell if its stagnation or exhaustion)
Get up and do a little bit of exercise. If it makes you more tired, it's exhaustion. If it makes you feel better, its stagnation.
If its exhaustion and you feel horrible and guilty for resting so much, I have some questions for you:
Why are you only valid, worthwhile and lovable when you are DOING something?
Can you accept that even in a resting state while not taking care of everything around you, you still have a place, you are still lovable, you are still real and valid and worthy?
Things to feel in your body while resting:
I am worthy of love just as I am
I am worthy of nourishment, just as I am
4. Idle things you can do (or not do)
Here's a list of things you can do that aren't fully doing 'nothing' (nothing is a pretty big space to fill) but that are still regenerative:
Read a book (a book you want to read, not a book you 'should' read).
Watch a movie (a movie you want to watch, not one you think you should watch).
Go for a long slow walk (if you want to).
Take a bath. Light candles, add salts and flowers and scent to the water. Close the door, put on relaxing music or take a good book in with you. Lie in it until your fingers wrinkle and the water is questionably warm.
Stare into space.
Eat whatever you feel like for a full day. Be full. With each bite thank the food for nourishing and replenishing you.
Lie in bed all day because you want to.
Tell people 'no'.
Cancel plans and stay home and put on your PJs and eat takeout and do nothing.
Invite friends over, tell them to bring food, hang out on the couch and chat.
Lie on the earth: take a blanket (or multiple blankets depending on how cold it is) and go and find a spot in nature. Somewhere quiet, with trees. Bring a picnic and books and water. Lie on the blanket for hours, reading, staring up at the trees, staring at the sky, making shapes in the clouds.
Turn off your phone.
Turn off your computer.
4. Recipes for nourishment and replenishment
Nourishing chicken broth recipe
4 chicken legs
1 brown onion
1 head garlic (whole)
1 carrot
2 sticks celery
1 bay leaf
1/4 cup burdock root
1/4 cup shatavari root
1/4 cup nettle leaf
1/4 cup hawthorn berries
salt and pepper to taste
In a large stock pot place all the ingredients, and fill with 4 quarts of water.
Bring to a boil then reduce to a simmer, and simmer, covered for 4-6 hours.
Remove from the heat and strain, then add salt and pepper to taste, then place in a container in the fridge until cold, and skim off the fat that has risen to the surface.
Store in an airtight jar in the fridge, and heat up a little to sip on at a time. Keeps for a week. Can also be frozen.
Nourishing chai
Make this in a big batch and drink as often as you like.
1 cup ashwagandha root
1 cup shatavari root
1 cup tulsi leaf
1/4 cup cardamom pods
1/4 cup dried ginger
1 cup rooibos leaf
Mix all the ingredients together in a big jar and keep somewhere cool and dry. To serve, simmer 1 1/2 cups water and 1 tablespoon of the chai blend in a saucepan for 10 minutes. Pour through a sieve into a mug, sweeten and add milk to taste.
Ashwagandha chocolate milk
Small handful dried ashwagandha root
1 mug of milk
honey, to taste
1 tsp cocoa powder
Put the ashwagandha and milk in a small saucepan and heat without boiling for 10-15 minutes. Strain out the roots, add the cocoa and honey. Drink while hot.
Ashwagandha-shatavari chocolate rice porridge
1 cup glutinous rice or sushi rice (see notes), rinsed and drained
6 cups water
1/2 tsp sea salt
1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
3 oz dark chocolate, chopped
1/4 cup honey or maple syrup
1 tb ashwagandha root powder
1 tb shatavari root powder
Combine rice, ashwagandha, shatavari, water, and salt in a saucepan, and bring to boil.
Reduce to simmer and stir occasionally as you cook for 20 minutes, until rice is cooked through and porridge is thicker.
Stir in the chocolate, cocoa and sweetener. Remove from heat after chocolate has melted.
Serve with a drizzle of milk or cream, or a non-dairy creamer, or stir in some ashwagandha and cardamom ghee.
Ashwagandha and cardamom ghee
If you have access to fresh ashwagandha, use that. If not then dried will work too-- use the best quality you can find, my favourite comes from Zack Woods herb farm.
8oz unsalted butter
1 cup fresh ashwagandha root, chopped
or 1/2 cup dried ashwagandha root
1/4 cup cardamom
Melt the butter in a heavy-bottomed saucepan and add the ashwagandha root and cardamom. Keep it warm and infuse for an hour, without letting it boil or brown. After an hour, carefully pour off the clarified butter, leaving the milk solids at the bottom of the pan with the plant matter.
You can stir this ghee into hot drinks (like the above chocolate milk) or use it on foods as you would regular butter (albeit with an ashwagandha-like flavour). It's quite rooty, but also incredibly delicious.
5. I was on Amber's podcast and she is brilliant
It was such a privilege and pleasure to get to chat with Amber Magnolia Hill, who is a phenomenal interviewer. If you don't listen to her podcast already, you really should-- she explores the facets of humanity that are so important for our mental/ emotional/ spiritual health. Plus, she's an amazing human who drives a fascinating conversation.
Here we talk about a multitude of things: magic, rootedness, mental health, and did I mention magic?
Check out the podcast interview HERE.