On Courage
Contents:
1. on courage
2. How to be more courageous
3. Herbs for courage
4. Relax, it's a process
5. Acorn + Roots recipe
1. on courage
The stories that guide our own inner sense of purpose might give us the impression that courage is something that we do: heroes journeys and dashing acts of bravery and people giving their lives for a cause.
But courage is not a great act, or a giant push, or something that requires summoning all your power for a single moment.
True courage is, in fact, a process.
It's a NOT-doing: an unfurling of our own layers.
It requires bravery: not the bravery to act, but the bravery to be.
And the bravery to be honest with yourself about what is.
And the integrity to keep that sense of alignment with what is, when you do act.
Courage is not about summoning all our willpower for one great act,
But is a series of small adjustments, made over the course of a lifetime.
It is not a thing to achieve,
but a state to make small adjustments to maintain.
Small adjustments, over time, to find it, and then small adjustments to maintain it.
Courage is about knowing who you are in your heart, and having the integrity, and bravery, to express that heart-self into the world.
2. How to be more courageous
Learn to be present. Learn to grow comfortable with the never-ending layers of yourself so that you can face yourself, and accept yourself honestly. This is actually the key to courage: honesty.
But the honesty has to be with ourselves first and foremost.
Because how can you speak your truth if you don't know what that truth is?
How can you know what to stand for, if you have no foundation?
We become so afraid of what lies beneath the surface of ourselves that the idea of sitting with it, and looking at it, and accepting, or even loving it, becomes terrifying. It's like a trap door holding a world of mucky stuff that we are afraid of.
But all you have to do is look at what's on top? No digging, no excavating, no sudden surprises over deeply buried things bobbing to the surface. Just... what's there already.
There's an element of discernment that needs to be developed here, that gets easier the more you do it: what's on the surface comes attached to so much underneath that it feels like, in looking at it, you have to look at the whole thing at once. Eat the entire monster in one big bite. But that's not the case. All you need to do is look at what is here, now. One bite at a time.
That means, taking space and time to get to know yourself. In your life. As it is.
Unfortunately, this is not dramatic and does not involve a trip to Bali, or a makeover montage, or an escape from your own life. In fact it's the opposite of the dramatic and romanticized story about self-finding. It's mundane. For so many of us, I think the idea of the dramatic change holds so much more appeal: first of all you get an adventure, and second, you get to not be yourself for a while. It's sorta like when you go on vacation and feel amazing and then go back to your real life and are surrounded by all your stuff again: your habits, patterns, clutter, chipped tea mugs, mis-matched socks and all. It can feel like returning to a prison. And that's why the myth of the escape-to-change is so dangerous: you can blow up your entire life and go as far away as you can and it'll all still be there when you come back to it. To use the cliched phrase that is a cliche for a reason: wherever you go, there you are.
The mundane is not dramatic or even very interesting. It won't get you instagram followers or a book deal (unless you're Marie Kondo!). But there is so much beauty in the mundane.
Facing yourself in the real world looks like this:
Knowing your habits. Understanding your patterns. Who you are when stressed. Who you are when pressured. Who you are when things aren't going your way. It's learning to get a tiny bit of space between yourself and your reactions so that you can take a breath and at least understand that you are not your behaviours or your thoughts or even the things you've been doing forever. It's learning that the thing you hate is not your life but the way you *feel* about your life.
(Uh, just plugging The Wonder Sessions here, because this is the basis of the first year of the course :P)
Radical acts of courage include:
Being honest with yourself about what you want and don't want.
Acknowledging how you feel, even if you don't want to feel that way.
Not hating yourself for either of these things.
Learning to forgive yourself for being who you are, for your choices, for your behaviours, for your body, your health, your patterns, etc.
Learning to forgive others for the same.
All of these in themselves are big things, big steps, and hard to do.
But the key to all of them is to stop running.
Sit with yourself.
Feel inside yourself and how you're pushing.
And then simply, stop.
What does all of this have to do with courage?
The 'you' that will shine out into the world is what's underneath all that other stuff. When we can be honest about who we truly are, then we can feel what is in alignment with that deeper self, and act accordingly. And these are acts of courage.
Our deeper selves' wants and needs often butt directly up against our survival mechanisms. Scared of public speaking, but have something to teach the world? Scared of confrontation but need to stand your ground in order to show yourself that you're worth it? Scared of intimacy but desperately want to be the partner, or parent, that you never had? Scared of softening, but know that you need to stop pushing yourself so hard? Scared of vulnerability, but know that you want to be a person who shows up as their complete self?
How do you know that you WANT these things, enough to push through your fears, without knowing deeply and truly that this want comes from a deeper place than the fear?
How to know that it's worth it, without knowing that this is the core of who you are and what you're here for?
Knowing yourself is the key to everything.
The world realigns around this knowing: all of your choices fall into perspective. All of your battles become worthwhile, and all of your sacrifices become acts of devotion.
When TS Eliot wrote "The Hollow Men", it was 1925, and to be honest, I have no idea what he was actually writing about (most likely a lot of things at the same time). At a point in history when the world was changing so dramatically, and the UK was in between wars (but didn't know it yet), and the foundations of British society were unraveling in the wake of a war that all but wiped out an entire generation, AND his own marriage was falling apart, who can say. But, the last lines of the poem are particularly poignant, and so I'm going to take them out of context, because I think they apply here. We want dramatics, because dramatics make it seem as though something is happening. In the wake of dramatics, however, we are often left wrecked, or ravaged, or even worse, the same as we were before.
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.
3. Herbs for courage
Crataegus spp. // Hawthorn
Protector of the heart, protector of the faerie realm, which in our own psyches is the tender young part of ourselves that still sees the world with innocence and possibility. Hawthorn wraps itself around this like a protective shield allowing it to blossom again. Hawthorn's thorns are hard and sharp, sticking out at (at least what feels like) random angles to catch you unawares. It's interesting to me that these plants that are so so easy to love are the ones that protect themselves so well-- my first instinct with all of them is to fling myself on them and hug them, and yet you can't do that at all. I have tried it with a big pile of hawthorn twigs and leaves and flowers, and, well it hurts. One of the things you learn is that you can experience something just by hanging with it, being near it-- you don't need to fling yourself on it and try to hug the daylights out of it. For those of us who sometimes lack boundaries, this is an important lesson, and it's a lesson that hawthorn especially can teach us well: to experience something deeply you don't need to lose yourself, but actually to inhabit yourself more fully.
How does hawthorn help us soften? It does so by strengthening the parts that burn brightly through the darkness. That is, hawthorn affects the core of who we are, our hearts, not just physical but that little spark of awareness that was you before you knew what an 'I' was. Hawthorn wraps itself around it like a protective shield, whispering things like 'you've got this' and 'you can fall apart now I'll hold you up' and 'a little restructuring is ok but we'll hold it together here' and for those of us who are afraid to soften, afraid that to let go a little bit means the entire world will cave in or fall down, or rush in like a deluge, hawthorn is the beacon in the storm.
Rose // Rosa spp.
Rose somehow relaxes the stuck-ness. It unravels the tension in the diaphragm and chest, unwinds the screws that keep the shoulders up by the ears, and all of a sudden you find yourself breathing deeper and no longer feeling frustrated. It’s a powerful thing to happen, especially from just a few drops of tincture or elixir. When doing big shows, I get to watch people react en-masse as they try it and their entire countenances change, over and over again. It’s a beautiful thing, from such an easily overlooked plant.
More than that.
Rose unwinds the stuck-ness, but that stuckness is often rooted in old grief, old trauma. These are things that get locked in our body when they happen, because we don't know how to process them, or are unable to process them. Every time they're triggered we live them out, again and again. I've seen rose help with this so many times: to slowly and gently start to ease the tension holding these traumas in place. I love to combine it with ocotillo blossom (here) for these old traumas, as the combination supports while gently allowing you to access these old griefs, and most importantly, to work through and release them.
Rose calms a fluttery chest-- the anxiety flutters. Depending on the cause, I like to combine it with something incredibly grounding like devil's club and hawthorn (here), or something soothing like oat (here). Once again, it's because of that ability to relax and relieve tension. While some things calm the fear of anxiety by grounding, and some do by supporting the system allowing it to feel safe, rose does it by allowing the stuck energy to flow to where it needs to be. Look for people who have a hard time expressing themselves, or who hold themselves in check and in tight control, as if, if they were to let go the whole world would fall down and a few drops of wild rose elixir will work wonders for them.
Pulsatilla // Anemone spp.
For when the idea of moving forwards in self-expression is met with blind panic. Pulsatilla can take the panic down a notch to create breathing space. It can stop panic attacks in their tracks at times, especially if used when you catch yourself en route to Panicville (TM). Any kind of emotional state is way easier to divert when we are on our way there, as opposed to when we've moved in, stuck a flag in, and claimed it as our own! So, if you can catch yourself when it's starting, or even when you're thinking the thoughts that lead to the feelings, then Pulsatilla works even better. Physiologically it is going to have a direct effect on the nervous system, calming an excessive sympathetic state, but more subtly, it helps to stop the circular thought patterns in their tracks.
Motherwort // Leonurus cardiaca
Personally, I think of motherwort as one of the most grounding herbs there is. It might be the bitterness, which is in itself grounding-- it forces our awareness and attention back into our bodies, often quite dramatically. And then as a result of that bitterness, there's the digestive system stimulation that happens, that keeps our awareness grounded in our bodies even more. But there's also that motherwort is deeply, and intensely grounding. I've heard it described as 'receiving a hug from Mother Earth' and that's sorta exactly what it feels like. There's also that pelvis-heart connection, where it helps the pelvic area to relax, and for blood to flow more freely in the pelvic area, and that this is where, for so many of us, we tense up and block the flow of earth energy into our bodies. Relaxing our pelvic muscles, allowing the flow of energy, and the earth energy back, and all of a sudden, our bodies feel safe, nourished and held. From here it's easy for our nervous systems to tell our hearts to stop racing: we feel held, and safe again. The way we are supposed to.
When you're experiencing heart-palpitations, fluttery fear, and the tense, tightly wound feeling that comes from feeling alone, and scared, and unsafe, try motherwort. That Mother-Earth hug feeling in itself is enough to help you remember that you are, in fact, as far from alone as can be.
Damiana // Turnera diffusa
Damiana, to me, is a state of warm, relaxed, and open. It's so incredibly aromatic, and those aromatics blast through tension that's in the way of holding us back from expressing our hearts into the world. Drinking a strong cup of damiana tea or taking a damiana bath always makes me feel relaxed, slightly loopy, and just, really warm towards people. So it makes sense that damiana is commonly considered an aphrodisiac-- if it relaxes you, makes you feel open, warm, and loving, well, yeah that'd do it. But it's often just shoved into the 'herbal aphrodisiac' category without exploring where else it's really useful. You see, for people who tend to not open up, trust, let go very easily, or who have social anxiety, damiana can be utterly wonderful. In the right situation. Obviously.
It increases peripheral circulation, helps to bring your attention and your energy back into your body, and helps you feel more present in the world, in your body, as yourself. While at the same time, giving you the warm fuzzies, and making you feel good. It's a pretty magic little herb...
It's found quite easily in commerce and is also available in a liqueur, made in Mexico, which is really interestingly delicious and makes a brilliant margarita.
A formula for courage:
1 part hawthorn berry, leaf and flower tincture
1 part rose tincture
1/4 part motherwort tincture
1/4 part calamus tincture
tiny smidge of pulsatilla (consider that it's a drop dose herb to begin with, and toxic at higher doses, so you don't want more than 1-2 drops per dosing of the formula) tincture.
Combine all tinctures and shake well (with a lid on). Take 5-10 drops as needed.
4. Relax, it's a process
I feel like this is something I should add at the end of most of my newsletters, and send out to all my students regularly, and maybe just tell to strangers, too.
It's a process.
It's YOUR process.
And you're in the middle of it.
When we become impatient about where we want to be, our focus leaves the present. This is actually a really insidious practice, because what it does is tell ourselves deep down that we do not like ourselves as we are. The impetus to change becomes a pressure.
When the desire to change comes from not wanting to be where we are, then it is actually not courageous at all, because it's coming from avoidance of what is.
I've found that if there is impatience, the best thing to do is actually to slow down even more. To pay attention to every single shift, change, nuance, sensation, so that you can feel it, digest it, and experience it with as much of yourself as you can. In doing this, it somehow passes quicker, and more fully. You get to taste and digest all of the layers of it.
Any great thing you've ever done has been a process, and you are currently mid-process, and if you can trust this process, and that you are exactly where you need to be but that this isn't the end-point, then the pressure eases up a bit. Maybe the journey itself can be a bit more enjoyable. The call to be more courageous isn't one that has an end-goal or a place that's perfect, but is only a setting of the compass that can guide you to a better, more fulfilled, and more heart-centered life, in time. It doesn't have to happen all at once.
5. Acorn + Roots recipe
This is my best attempt to adapt a recipe that was made in 4 gallon batches for individual use :).
I'll be making this LIVE this coming week on the Wonderkin facebook group, and the video will be up for a while so you can follow along.
Makes almost 1 1/2 quarts of Acorn + Roots Morning Brew.
You'll need:
2 cups Roasted dandelion root powder
1 cup Roasted chicory root powder
1/4 cup Reishi extract powder
1/2 cup Ashwagandha root powder
1/2 cup Roasted cacao powder
1/2 cup Milk thistle seed powder
1/8 cup Cordyceps powder
1/2 cup Roasted acorns, powdered (obviously not everybody has this sitting around-- you can find acorn starch at Korean grocery stores)
To make:
Pour all ingredients into a big bowl, and mix thoroughly.
Put all the powder through a sieve, making sure any lumps are removed.
Store in an airtight jar.
Use within a year.
To brew:
Stir 1-3 teaspoons into a mug of boiling water. Blend in well. Sweeten to taste, add cream or milk to taste.
Personally, I like to brew it and blend in some collagen, maple syrup, mushroom powders, and a couple of droppers of Milky oat + Ashwagandha tinctures!